Dear diary,

It’s 4.30am. I’m not yet asleep, I just finish packing my stuff. Tomorrow I’ll be leaving to Bangkok. It’s a morning flight. I need to be up around 5.30am. That’s fast! Only an hour left for me to sleep.

From the day we broke till today, you never ever give me a call. It seems like you don’t care at all. You don’t even bother to reply my e-mail. Yes, you may give excuses like “Oh I’m so busy with my activities“. You know what? You’re just selfish and irresponsible. If you want somebody to understand you, please at least try to understand others first. No matter what’s the reason you’re acting that way, I don’t give it a damm anymore because it’s for the sake of yourself and never me. The lover is over and I’m aware of it.

Tonight I’m sad and disappointed. And tonight will be the last night of the painful sadness.

Anyway, I’m telling myself, this Bangkok trip will not be only a trip. It also means after this trip, I will be a brand new me. I will dump all the saddening memories away and I will live a better me. Once I’m back, I won’t wanna see you anymore, I will demolish all the hopes I’ve for you, I will publicize my S&A status, reopening the chances to the public and that’s really the end of it. I have waited enough.

I will forget about you, I will stop loving you. You’re indeed less than a friend to me. You’ve hurt me too much. You don’t worth it.

Today I brought a friend to hang out in the city. We went to many places – Pavillion, Luna Bar, Starhill, Bintang Walk, Starbucks. Among the best spot is “Luna Bar”. It’s unforgettable and memorable. The place was amazing! The ambient was good, the people are friendly. There’re lots of cute guys! They’re really cute! The city skyline was breathtaking! Drinking by the poolside never gets any better than this. I swear I will go back there in the future.

We took around 200+ of photos. I shall upload those when I’m back frm Bangkok.

KL is really a happening city, it’s getting better. I hope so.

Life’s getting better without you.

Dear diary,

Today is the last paper – International Advertising. I didn’t do my best. Time management was the main problem here. I haven’t have enough time for the last question.

That marks the end of year 2 sem 2. Fast, isn’t it? It’s now over, finally over, sad to say it’s over, time flies.

That’s great but i feel a sense of empty-ness indeed …

Today I never really celebrated anything – just a jap dinner and meeting up with a guy called Wilfred. My friends tag along too. Great outing. A lot of laughters. However, disappointments still exists. It never goes off that fast. But believe me, I’m trying to mend my broken heart.

Right when the last paper ends, I wasn’t feeling good enough. Being ‘fetched’ around like an idiot.Days without car are terribly miserable, especially when you’re so stressed out during the exams. Rushing to sit for exam is no fun at all and is so not me. Furthermore, I feel like I’ve been taken for granted. Cry it all out and I’m ok. But I think due to this matter, there’s no one to blame, the fact is, we’ve a shortage of cars.

Now that exam is over, it’s time to execute my plans for the 3 weeks break.

Tomorrow first thing first, register for Latin Dance and then hang out around the city.

I’m just getting used to my single life. I believe that I will lead a better life ever, without you.

For current time-being, my family and friends are the prime-mover of my life.

Dear diary,

Mood is really uncertain and unpredictable, that’s why we have the term ‘fluctuation’ for it. Today i gone down the hill and it’s another depressing Saturday for me. This fluctuation is driving me crazy, it’s so hard to cope with the drastic changes of mood.

I woke up very late and was too tired and slept the afternoon away.

Afternoon naps haven’t been good lately. I always have bad dreams. that’s why i avoid sleeping in the afternoons. but today, i really can’t stand and i slept. i dreamed of you again, it’s like breaking up all over again when i woke up.

I really can’t believe the fact that you’re so ignorant. You never even bother to give me a word of concern since we broke up. I don’t know what’re you doing in your life lately, it’s so vague to me. When I think of the ‘you’ in the past, it’s really hard to believe and accept the fact that you’ve changed into a totally different people. Although I’m not perfect in this relationship, but this shouldn’t be the way. This is not the treatment I should get.

it’s dawn again, the sun is setting. beautiful but saddening.

Dear diary,

Tonight was the only night I didn’t suffer from heart sickness. It was easy during dawn, I was driving to Naili’s. All dressed up for Aza’s and Doreen’s birthday bash, this feeling is good. Friends really give you happiness, they are people that make you move forward.

It was a great night, we sat at a long table in Naili’s Place. Ya, back to here in naili’s again. the last time was my birthday celeb and now the list goes on. I was late as usual and my friends pre-order my food for me. Evening is always the ‘jammiest’ time to leave KL. I travel for an hour and so and finally reach Uptown. I parked quite far away and was so damm scared while walking to Naili’s. Hugging my bag tight enough, holding pepper-spray on another hand and quickly ‘run’ to naili’s. Don’t blame me for being ‘overly-conscious’ but what to do, crime-rate is climbing high especially in PJ area. I better be alert all the time. I can’t afford to lose my possessions and what more my life. How i wish i live in a world without crimes.

And then, everyone chatted and chatted and chatted….eat, drink, laughters, washroom, cam-whore etc. Then here comes the cake, Oreo-cheese from Secret Recipe. birthday girls pose for a few pictures and then we began cam-whoring again, as a group this time.

oh ya and i wore my new white blouse frm Summer Petals. Got a couple of compliments from friends-basically made up my night! But most importantly, I myself need to feel pretty in it. That’s my dressing philosophy. Shopping online is really a whole new experience for me! It adds on colours to my life!

So now I’m back here at my pink parlor, filtering the pics, browsing through it and smiling all the way. These are truly sweet memories. It could be my happiest night of September, believe it or not. At least it stood out among the depressing and stressed momments in my life. and that’s the magic done by friends.

well putting apart the night, morning was terrible. I think I screwed CRM’s paper. I really don’t have the guts to even think about it. It’s killing me. Adding on the pressure is the expectation from people around me. That’s what kill most. I wish I can just live life at an easy-come-easy-go level where nothing really matters. no such thing such as president, no such thing such as dean, i’m left to be myself. how i wish.

Dear diary,

This morning when I was still in my sleep, my dad rushed into my room, holding a parcel, saying :”Wake up! You’ve got a present!”

I was so excited and instantly bounce up. This feeling is so good! It made my morning a beautiful one! It was the clothing that I bought online. This is my first parcel in my life. I wish I can wake up every morning with surprises like this. But sad it’s impossible.

Dear diary,

I just reached home, what a long journey from PJ. I miss my car. i miss my independence.

First thing first when i reach home is to switch on the air-cond and the fan. what a terribly hot weather! then i take a seat in front of my laptop. check on the download status. open Firefox; one tab on Friendster, one tab on Gmail, one tab on Blogger and finally one tab on lelong.com.

Nowadays, i indulge myself in the unrealistic world of aesthetics. I love looking at beautiful things, I’m constantly convincing myself of how beautiful the world is. Therefore, although I don’t buy them, I love looking at them – the sweet dresses on Lelong.

It motivates me on moving forward. all that i have in my mind now is to build up my career, in Broadcasting or in Business. It’s my dream since childhood. I remember myself drawing floor plans of how my store-front would look like, I even list down the names of my brand. that was then in the Melawati home. i’m really thankful to friends who introduce me to sites like this. it certainly make an impact in my life right now, when i fall and get hurt. it’s the only hope i have left in my life.

I checked Friendster horoscope. it’s kinda accurate. i really can’t believe what magic does it has and it predicts my everyday life, giving me guidances and surprises everyday!

The uncertainty around you will only grow for the next few days. If you can increase in activity in your life right now, you will be able to concentrate on keeping yourself calm and positive about no knowing everything all the time. Let the universe take you where you are supposed to go.

Dear diary,

I’m surfing Friendster.com and suddenly thought of reading my horoscope. The last time i read my friendster horoscope was when I last broke up. And now, it’s my 2nd time reading it, in the midst of broke up too.

My only impression to friendster horoscope is the high accuracy of it.

This time it says:

Dear diary,

Today it’s TV Production paper. The questions are direct and a little expected. I think I didn’t do my best simply because I wasn’t focus enough while revising the points. I should’ve focus more on mic but not lighting. Anyway, it’s all over and I shouldn’t be pondering about it anymore.

There’re more challenges ahead and I need to face it with a meditated calm mind.

Tomorrow will be Screenplay & Scriptwriting paper. The subject that I love the most throughout this semester. It’s fun as you can create your own character with its own story. It’s just like playing The Sims.

Dear diary,

“You will go through many changes in your life and as you get higher up the social ladder, you will transform a great deal. This transformation may be for good or bad and it is advisable that if you are in this situation, you should strive to change for the better and become more humble as you become more important in your work and life.”

Perhaps this is true. I should accept the change in my life although it’s hard.

Dear diary,

It’s Saturday. I’m being lazy for the whole morning, sleeping. that’s so not me.

Being distracted by lots lots lots of thoughts. I think my brain is tired.

I need some kinda aromatherapy or what…