Dear diary,

it’s 4:16am. I can’t sleep. Something is bothering me pretty much.

I wanted to play the piano but I think it’s better not to…at this hour of the night.

Dear diary,

My outdoor shoot on Monday was horrible and tiring. Not because I get the directions wrong…

I worked well with my map….Surprisingly, I manage to master the routes quite smoothly even it’s my first time at this alien piece of land.

It’s some other reasons that make me use the word “horrible”.

My grievance is getting so deep indeed…ever since year 2008.

At this point of life, I am not happy at all.

It’s Tues night…I’m depressed.

There will be another outdoor shoot on Thursday…I fear I will faint or die because of exhaustion, physically and mentally. However, Thursday will arrive eventually.

The director vomited during the shoot…one contestant threw out as well during the shoot. I personally think that it’s the game route that is too long and tiring. Furthermore, we’re required to run-through the route at one go without stopping. As for myself, I’m required to carry along one 2kg bag while I run. Plus, the damm hot weather is unbearable. Later in the afternoon, it rained heavily. It’s not a good thing at all, because it causes delay to our shoot.

My car’s interior – newly polished, cleaned and vacumed; is now officially smelly, dirty, muddy, wet and disgusting. Although I looked like some messy person…but indeed, I can’t stand this!!! I shoulder the burden of the costly monthly installment and it is something very precious to me. A scratch on it is just like a scratch on my flesh. Now…because of my job, I gotta bear the maintenance and basically no one appreciate this! I’m just damm hurt to see my precious possession worn out day after day. The saddest part is…losing my touch key during the shoot…touch key is something like a car key and it dropped during the hectic shoot!

Besides work, personal problems are getting me no where. I feel like I’m nothing but a useless human-being…I totally lost my confidence. This feeling is worse than anything. I wonder…have I ever make anyone happy in their life? Am I damm shit unwanted until a certain unbearable level? These negative thoughts have been lingering inside me for quite sometime already…I’ve been going against this negativity and now I’m officially depleted.

I always know the ways to make myself happy and now I no longer know how.

If you know how, please tell me. I feel like I’ve lost interest in every single portion of life including food. I lost my appetite recently without a reason. I just feel so damm shit unhappy…

Dear diary,

Tomorrow will be the first outdoor shoot for my current project – Kiddy Adventure - some sort of kids game show. I gotta wake up on 5am something to give all talents a morning call and get myself ready around 6am and reach Astro on 7am – quickly get hosts to make-up and wardrobe while welcome all contestants. On 8am sharp, I will depart to the shooting location.

Today is a Sunday and I worked from morning till 10pm. I skipped my dinner simply because I have no time for it. First thing first when I reach home around 11pm something, I ate instant noodles and at the same time watch a tad’ lil’ of Astro (part of my job)… After a little while of relaxation in front of the TV, I begin to get ready all the stuff needed for tomorrow’s shoot.

I hold various responsibilities for tomorrow’s shoot…not only playing the role of TAC team; I’m also taking up the responsibility as the game master & timer. I didn’t know about this until the last meeting (held 3 days ago). Therefore, I didn’t get to rehearse my role during pilot shoot. and that’s the reason why I’m so so so so so so so worry right now. It’s already 2am something…and I’m still awake..simple because I can’t sleep… …

…the part I’m most worry about is … I gotta drive around one town which I’m super not familiar with – Shah Alam…and my responsibility is to lead 2 pair of contestants to the destination within a time frame of 15-30 minutes (during first segment break).

I just wish that God will bless me…so that I won’t go the wrong way and the schedule won’t be delayed because of me. I never-ever been to the location before; I don’t know where’s what or what’s where; I’m just aware that…tomorrow, only my map can help me.

I am nervouseeee so nervoussss about tomorrow……well, that’s not gonna help. I guess I rather listen to some music and get some sleep so that tomorrow I’m alert enough while carrying out my task.

My 战衣：

Dear diary,

2 months flew past in just a blink of instance, it’s the 3rd month of my internship already.

I’ve been pretty busy lately…being a little of everything – CGM, Kiddy and live game show. Each with their unique genre and presentation style.

Despite the hectic lifestyle working till late nights and throughout weekends, I’m trying to love the process. It’s a good thing indeed because I get to learn how all sorts of programmes are created (from scratch to production to post). I appreciate the chances given to me. I’m grabbing as much knowledge as I could.

It’s an honour that I get to contribute my ideas for the programmes’ content. Brainstorm Meeting is pretty fun since it’s not held in the office… the team usually spend the day in McDonalds, Wong Kok or any other places except the office. I love contributing ideas…

Tomorrow will be the pilot shoot for Kiddy. My responsibility is to deal with all talents and hosts. I’m excited yet nervous. Did I left out anything? Agreement; forms; prizes etc. I kept going through my checklist, I hope I didn’t left out anything.

I find that my petrol expenses is a bit off the top after so many times of production recce to various locations. But anyway, it’s claimable. Just that the claims come in a bit slow.

This whole week it’ll be all about technical recce and pilot shooting…I’ll be at outdoors most of the time. Therefore, I gotta get my sunblock, umbrella, shades, drinking water etc ready all the time.

Stay tuned and let’s see what’s tomorrow gonna be like in my upcoming post.

Oh ya, nowadays my new all time favourite hang-out is Bangsar…I love to indulge in places that a dip worth a lifetime. It’s my way to distress. “I don’t care” I work hard & play hard. That’s me.

Cocktail: Martini @ Telawi Bistro

Cocktail: Strawberry Daiquiri @ Telawi Bistro

How i wish… i’ve more time-out. but learning is my main priority right now. hence, i don’t ask for holidays. I’ll be a workaholic, at least for now. Once I’m free, piano is my second priority. I’m aiming for at least a pass and it’s not easy because of the quota execution. I need to try my best. Besides piano, i’ll be reading. because I can’t help but to love reading. it makes me feel contented. especially on a fresh morning, i love to read on my bed.

Of course, shopping or hanging out will be one of my priorities as well…because i need to distress all the time. and that’s the best way to handle stress – to release it and then take up the new ones.

Dear diary,

Some of the photos taken during Chinese New Year … specially dedicated to my dear sis since you weren’t here for the festival.

Prepared by our “chef” – Popiah couldn’t be less coz it’s granny’s favourite!

Yee Sang

Very nice Japanese Alcohol

Scenic Close-ups of the house

after the filling meal…

plus size mandarine

decorative elements on the ceiling

We drank the wine you brought home …
Buy this again, will you? it’s the best wine I ever tasted.

Steamboat Lunch (every meal is very nicely prepared with over 10 dishes)

my favourite food

Despite how good it looks through the photos, CNY is still best with your existence…

Dear diary,

It is a holiday for me…on a Saturday…

it supposed to be a happy thing…but I feel damm depressed right now.

I think it’s caused by my imbalance of life’s priorities.

What makes me happy? I once used to know best. but not anymore.